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Tuesday, May 5th, 2009
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4:44 pm - like a plug without a socket
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Woooo, I'm getting pretty bad about updating this LJ...
That image has nothing to do with the post. It's one of the shots I took at NAIAS back in January. It's merely a shameless ploy to grab your attention. Also, I'm too lazy to upload anything new to Flickr right now, so... Anyway! Recent things:
+ So I'm all moved back into San Francisco now. I got here on April 17th. I had a fun trip out. I took a long route, swing down south quite a ways on the way. Visited my pal Vanessa (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) sharpelbows) and her boyfriend Bryan, and his wonderful dog Chelsea in Dallas. We went all over the city, looking at interesting things, went record shopping, bar hopping, gelato eating, and photo shooting. It was really a great time, and I was actually pretty impressed by Dallas. I tend to live in a bubble sometimes thinking that for me, the only US cities I could live in at this point would be San Francisco, LA, or NYC. I forget that there's a lot of other charming places that are less stressful, and still have a lot going on.
Also on the way out, I stopped in Tucson Arizona and stayed at my aunt's house. Had brunch the next day with her, her husband, my cousin, his wife, their two daughters, and my cousin's wife's mom. It was a nice family reunion. I hadn't been to Tucson since 1997.
From there, I went to LA and stayed with Dawon in Koreatown. We had fun hanging out, and we did some thrift shopping, drinking, and catching up on stuff. After a quick LA visit, I went up to SF.
+ So my new place in SF is pretty interesting. Very different from my old place. I live with 7 (!) other people, in a huge apartment. It's an older building, an old Victorian, and has some charm. My room is super tiny, and has a weird, sort of scary loft bed setup built into it. While it in some ways makes more room, it also takes room away (I have to duck my head in most of the room). Also, it's a good thing I'm single right now. I'd be terrified to have "extracurricular activities" in that loft. It seems like with any sort of rambunctiousness that it would collapse. I'm dealing with the lack of space by keeping most of my stuff in storage. I basically just have two carloads worth of stuff in this roonm and it feels sort of liberating to not be buried in clutter.
There are some major plusses about the place. I finally have a living room again (I didn't at my old place, as we had to rent it out). There's an awesome sunroom/penthouse on the top floor. Since it's on the 4th floor on the top of a hill, it overlooks the whole city. Windows all around, and roof access (finally!) I can't wait to do photo shoots up there. Also, the neighbor hood - Lower Haight - is really sweet. There's more stuff around my immediate area, and it's not annoying and filled with gutter punks and hippies like Upper Haight.
+ This past couple days, my longtime internet buddy / excellent artist Maggie (machiney) has been in town for her art show, and I've been showing her around the city a bunch. It's been fun. Also, I'm going to get to drive her moped while she's here. It'll be my first time really driving one (other than the 10 feet I drove one in the hallway of my old workplace). I'm pretty stoked about that. (Don't tell my dad. He'll have a heart attack of worry)
+ Been busting my ass on the freelance graphic design I've been doing for this start-up. And with the return of constant graphic design work has come the return of my crazy wrist and arm pains. It's either Carpal Tunnel or RSI. Not sure. Probably the latter. I've had to cut down the workload this past few days because my wrist, hand, arm, elbow, and shoulder have been aching so badly. I ordered an ergonomic vertical mouse, so hopefully that'll alleviate the hellaciousness.
+ It's sort of interesting to be back in SF. It's fun, and I'm very inspired to be back, but it definitely feels different. I feel like it's a lot harder to get time with my friends these days, and it's also sort of weird being in a house with so many new people, and not really interacting with any of them that much. I sort of feel like SF is this huge, awesome electric creature, full of potential and new experiences, and I'm just hanging out off to the side, instead of being absorbed into its awesomeness. The old feeling of SF not being a good place for my photography career is also still true, and job hunting is totally shitty right now, but I'm still happy to be back. Come August, I might have to think about LA again, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I'm at a very odd place right now in that I've really lost my direction. I know a lot of people have this past year. I'm considering some radical changes. Maybe grad school... Maybe working retail again or in a factory / shipping job (graphic design is killing my wrist, and making he fatter, so I need a more on-my-feet job), and supplementing my income with creative freelance gigs... Maybe changing career direction entirely.... Maybe moving off to a new city at some point that I've never thought about before, just for a change of pace for a while... Who knows? I'd really really just like to get a decent job again, with some health insurance, and enough pay to not be terrified all the time.
+ Late last month I had a really awesome belated-birthday party with some friends (Ryan, Tom, Melania, and Oliver). We went out for dinner (okonomiyaki), drinking, and of course, wild drunken karaoke. Man, I love karaoke. It's weird. I'm very reserved at times, and my self-esteem keeps me from doing a lot of things, but I surprise myself at how much I love singing, and how comfortable I've gotten doing it (around friends at least). That's also how I've been about dancing, ever since my raver days, up until now. I was very shy about it at first, but once I got over that, I can't be stopped.
+ Now that I'm back in SF, I've been sort of trying to get back into the dating scene again, after shutting that part of my brain off since August. It's funny because my self-esteem is rock-bottom right now, and I basically have no illusion that the type of women that I'm into would be into me right now, but who knows... I was overweight a year ago, and that's when Queena fell for me (too bad that went to shit). I've started going to the gym again, and all this walking in SF, combined with eating better, is starting to make me feel a bit better... but not fast enough for my satisfaction. Anyway, back to girls. Trying to date.... I'm reminded why I hate that shit. At least when I'm a crazy art-making, video-game-playing hermit, like I've been these past few months, I don't have to deal with rejection. It's usually easiest for me to meet girls online (OkCupid is my favorite these days), but it always sucks when you have a long spirited exchange of emails & texts, and then meet the girl in person at a bar, and you can sense she's not into you anymore. I haven't gotten anymore emails from her since then. In a fit of desperation/curiosity, I've been looking on Craigslist, with some correspondence happening, but no real dice yet. I've also been forcing myself to engage with girls more often at clubs (like this cute blonde yuppyish*ick* girl I was chatting with at a party the other day, just for practice) or even just out on the town (cute girl I was chatting with today, about her dog). I'm just trying to come out of my shell again. I've been very insular this past few months, and I'm relearning how to be congenial. I know there's gotta be more girls out there that I'm into that are into me, and willing to look past my current body type (I've been much thinner several times before, and just need to get back to it). It just seems like in SF, USA's statistically most-fit city, and where there's far too many women that are so-hip-it-hurts, that this is an illusion. Argh. hipster girls... I love/hate you. As for dating, I hate/hate you. And as for meaningful relationships, I love/love you. Ehh, we'll see what happens. I'm still sort of a bitter guy, after the sort of stuff that's gone on in my love life this past 2-3 years, but hopefully I will perk up soon. I'm sure as soon as I get my next lady I will forget everything all over again. For a little while at least.
+ What else? Been playing the 360 a lot. Played through the "Lost and Damned" DLC pack for GTAIV. Playing "Braid" a lot, as well as another indie game, "A Fading Memory" (which looks very pretty, but is a tough as nails platformer!). Finished Resident Evil 5, and have been doing some new game +. Also, just traded my PS3 version of Fallout 3 (which I already put over 120 hrs into in Michigan!) for the 360 version, and am going to download all the 360-exclusive stuff for it.
I bought a HDMI to DVI converter, and now am using my large widescreen computer monitor for video games, (as opposed to my old 13 in. TV), and it looks magnificent!
Again, I need some XBox Live buddies! Add me, I'm "Hell Dimension".
+ Speaking of video games, and how I formerly mentioned doing something drastically different... I've been thinking that I really wish I could be working in the game industry somehow. I've been into it for so long, and it just seems like it would be great. I torrented (shhh!) some rendering software that I'm going to toy with and try to figure out. I dunno if I'd want to go that route though... Again, it would be more RSI and shitty-feeling in front of a computer all day. I'd love to try to go down the games journalist path, but writing is not my strongest point, and I don't have the background. Who knows... Anyone wanna make an indie game with me? You can program it, I'll be the creative director (and design characters and make the music), we'll get another person to do the marketing, and we'll make something great!
Anyway, that's about it for now.
current mood:  tired
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(2 pitied fools | here comes Mr. T!!)
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| Monday, April 6th, 2009
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10:51 pm - TWENTY 9
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+ So when I was last in San Francisco, last month, I managed to secure a sublet. No job yet, though. I'm leaving Michigan on Wednesday (the 8th), and driving back out west. I'll be taking a slightly longer than straight-shot trip, but not as long as the trip I took in November. I'm going to swing way south, visiting my friend Vanessa (sharpelbows) in Dallas, then my aunt in Tucson, then Dawon in LA, then arriving in SF. This is partially to avoid any dregs of winter weather that may be in the mountains, and also just because I don't have a strict deadline date for getting back to SF (even though I'm not paying rent for a room I'm not living in yet, so I guess that's some fire to move me.)
The room itself is pretty small, and has a weird makeshift loft (didn't seem super strong), but I'll be leaving most of my stuff in storage so it doesn't matter. What I do like is that the apartment has a living room (I lived without one in SF for four years), and an awesome sun room on the top floor, with windows all around and great views of the city. Also, the people living there seem really awesome. The sublet is until the end of August. I'm not employed right now (still), but I'm making a little freelance money here and there, and my unemployment insurance is taking care of me, thankfully.
Once August hits, that will be a time of reevaluation. Hopefully I will have a job in SF by that point that I don't completely hate. I don't have much hope of getting anything that really makes me happy, but I'd like to at least get something that doesn't make me wish I'd stayed in Michigan. If things are looking bad, I might take Dawon up on her offer to put me up in LA for a bit, and I might retry moving down there. Who knows... its all up in the air.
+ I'm 1/3 excited, 1/3 nervous, and 1/3 melancholy about moving back to San Francisco. I'm excited because, duh, it's San Francisco. I have great friends there and it's more the kind culture I prefer. That second 1/3, nervousness because this move to SF is going to be very different than my 2005 move. Back in '05, San Francisco to me was emblematic of great opportunity and a personal paradise of sorts. Things are a bit different now. First, the economy sucking so bad, combined with an extreme dearth of creative jobs this past few months has got me expecting that even if I have the drive to succeed in photography, it's not going to really happen there, or anywhere right now. Also, I built SF up to be a panacea for all of my personal problems, thinking that just being there would really set things in motion. Now I certainly was able to achieve quite a bit there (I'm sure more than if I'd have stayed in Michigan), but I've come to realize that it doesn't matter where I live, who I know, or how much art I make. The problem is me. I need to find a way to:
A: really believe in myself, and believe that there's a place in the world for my art.
B: be better at self-marketing and "selling myself" and my art to other people.
C: be more persistant. I need to be submitting to galleries / ad agencies / competitions / etc all the time.
We'll see if I'm a different enough guy when I come back to San Francisco. I'm hoping to hit the reset again (partially)... being in a new neighborhood, getting a new job, meeting new people, keeping those closest to me close & and forgetting about the people who hurt to think about, and getting back in good health again. I fear that I haven't changed enough though.
The final 1/3 - melancholy - is simply because I've been back in Michigan for four months now. Juuuust long enough to feel sad about leaving. It's been nice to spend a lot of time with my Midwest friends, meet new people, and have the comparative freedoms that come with living here. I'm definitely making some trade-offs in returning to SF. I'll have access to more culture, more opportunities to be healthy, and (possibly) more art opportunities, but... I'll miss having the setup I have here for making art, listening to music (loud), going on walks in tree-lined neighborhoods with my dad, playing with my cats, actually being able to drive and park places without it being a total pain in the ass, eating more good Middle-Eastern food, and just having a more relaxed pace of life.
+ I turn 29 tomorrow. Oh shit. One year away from having that turning-30 total mental breakdown. I'm sort of having a preview of that feeling lately. My 20s really came in like a lion, and I fear that they are going to go out like a lamb. It sort of feels like it doesn't matter if I get my shit together anymore this next year or now. The opportunities seem so much more scarce now. Guess I'll just have to hope to be a late-bloomer in the personal achievements arena. Man, I've always been so terrified about growing older. I remember when I was in junior high, drawing comics all the time (40-50 pps per month), I was determined to be one of those rising young stars in my early 20s. Didn't happen, and I felt crappy about it. I made a lot of music for a long time there, lots of albums. Played live a few times. Never got anywhere with it because I didn't believe in myself. I'm worried my photography might be on the same track. Hopefully this year of being 29 will be the year that I learn to defeat my greatest enemy - myself.
+ In cheerier news, I got a couple of really nice new toys recently. First off, I got a wide-angle lens for my 30D (finally!). It's a Sigma 10-20mm, and I LOVE it. I did some fashion shots with Kat a few days ago, using it, and I'll post pics soon.
+ I also got an XBox 360, the Resident Evil 5 edition. I love it so far. If you are on XBox Live, add me! My gamertag is "Hell Dimension".
+ I started getting a cold today. Of course I had to get one a little over a day before I'm set to drive across the country. Yayyyyyy.
+ The pics I've scattered through this post are from a new Flickr set I posted, "Mangled".
+ More later. I'll try to post again before I hit the road, but you know me...
current mood:  sick
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(6 pitied fools | here comes Mr. T!!)
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| Wednesday, March 11th, 2009
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2:46 am - ...so I'm back in SF now. sort of.
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Figured it's time for an update... but before that, some shameless plugging....
I've been busy lately, creativity-wise... Did two new illustrated-photos since I last posted here, the one you see above, and a Takarazuka theatre inspired piece:
Also posted two new car photos, a Porsche 911 Targa, and a Chevy Malibu (two opposite ends of the automotive spectrum indeed.)
...and posted some shots of a lovely lady (Ellen) with a Fiat 500 (click the thumbs below to see bigger):
 
other things...
So, as I said, I'm back in San Francisco right now. I haven't officially moved back here yet though. I was gearing up for driving on this Monday (with no job and no steady place to stay lined up), but at the last minute, came to my senses & fly out. Just got in a couple hours ago, and am staying at Ryan's place. I'll be here until next Tuesday, and during that time, hope to get some job interviews in, and sublet interviews... I already have an interview for tomorrow evening for a four-month sublet, and an interview Thursday for a contract gig, but I really need to to get more job interviews (for full-time jobs) and maybe get some more sublet / apartment interviews, in case I'm not picked for this one.
Anyone wanna hire me or live with me?? (yeah, I know everyone is screwed right now and jobs are almost nonexistent here, but I thought I'd try.)
Hopefully some little fishy will bite and I can come back to the bay area at the end of the month, and get started again. I've been in a holding pattern for the last four months, since moving back to Michigan, and I need to break out of it. My backup plan, if SF doesn't work out in a couple month's time, is to stay with Dawon in LA for a bit and try to get something started down there. If that doesn't work, who knows....? I've been kicking around the idea of going back to school this fall and working towards an MFA, or maybe trying out for an eikaiwa (English teaching in Japan) job, but who knows... If I don't have this train rolling in a couple months, I'm going to be seriously panicked.
Man, I really put all my eggs in one basket with that LA move idea. If I'd known it was going to fall through, and that the economy was going to start sucking SO bad, I would have stayed in SF, and I'd probably be in better shape now. It sure as hell is hard to move back here with California being in its current shitty condition.
other thanngszz:
+ Been hanging out with my old buddy Kat a lot this past month. She wound up back in Monroe too, for various reasons, and we've been trying to cheer each other up by doing lots of fun stuff.
+ Took Marie out to see Watchmen on her birthday (well, opening day, the day before her birthday.) I loved it. I've been a big fan of the graphic novel for a long time now, and was terrified to see how the movie was going to shape up, but wasn't let down. The stuff that was cut from the movie didn't ruin the story in their absence, and even though I was leery when I heard the ending was changed, I was relieved to find out that it wasn't changed that much, and was changed in a way that worked alright. There were a few parts that Zack Snyder made cheesy, but I liked the movie in general. If you've seen the movie, but not read the book, then read it! It's a masterpiece (best American comic ever, in my opinion), and it will enhance your appreciation of the movie. It's not a perfect movie, but a much better adaptation than I was expecting it would be.
Can't really think of anything else to write. More later.....
current mood: exhausted
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(3 pitied fools | here comes Mr. T!!)
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| Saturday, February 21st, 2009
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12:20 am
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someone please please please please buy me this.
I need to get a sugar-momma...
current mood:  envious
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(here comes Mr. T!!)
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| Friday, February 13th, 2009
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8:07 am
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Changing my return date again, it seems... I figured with the 15th fast approaching, and me not even sure if I should go back to SF or go to LA, it wouldn't make sense to leave then.
However, the more I think about it, the more I just want to go back to SF. It's gonna be tough wherever I am, and I don't see my photography career flourishing in this economic environment, so if I end up being stuck in a crappy retail job again (if even those are available), then I'd rather do it in a city where I have friends, and am really used to the area. (Plus, it's really nice to be in a city where I can walk everywhere)
I'm thinking of flying out at the beginning of March and spending a week relentlessly job hunting, then driving out a week or two later, job-lined-up or not.
Who the fuck knows though... I'm not sure what I'm gonna do if I end up going back there and not getting a job. I have some places I can possibly stay for a little bit, but don't want to wear out my welcome. I just hope if I go the the trouble of driving back to SF that I can find something, and don't have to drive back again. I guess then I'll either apply for English teaching Japan, or drive back to Michigan again.
....help
current music: MGMT - "Kids"
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(3 pitied fools | here comes Mr. T!!)
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| Tuesday, February 3rd, 2009
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5:55 am - random notes...
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+ Setting February 15th or 16th as my departure date from Michigan. On to LA... I know the job market sucks there too, but I have to make it work somehow.
+ Sold some art at the C-Pop show.
+ My old buddy Kat is back in town and we hung out late into the night last night. It's good to see her again.
+ Finished a new illustrated-photo piece. It's very NSFW, so just click the silhouette preview below:
In addition to seeing the work, you can see detail shots, and download a wallpaper.
+ In addition to posting at my art site, I've also been posting some art at The Electric Ant zine blog.
+ Tokyo Zombie, the manga that Ryan and I adapted into English, won the About.com reader poll for 2008's best manga one-shot. Yay!
+ I'm downloading the Resident Evil 5 demo as I type this. The anticipation is killing me! I finally finished Fallout 3 last week (I'd gotten to the end a couple weeks ago, but purposely put off finishing it), and bought Dead Space, which I've been spending time on.
+ Got bored and painted my keyboard:
 
+ Been sorting through lots of stuff. Gonna run down to Columbus on Thursday to sell 8 boxes of books. I also have 5 boxes of Japanese-language books (mostly manga tankoban) that I'll have sent out later, when I get a place in LA, so I can sell them to Book-Off.
+ Almost forgot to post this, but I had a couple big gigs in mid-January. I did photography for Intersection Magazine during press days at the Detroit Auto Show (NAIAS). You can see my pics here. Later that night, I was the hired photographer for Designer's Night, the biggest event for automotive designers in the country. It's was pretty cool.
+ A Radio Flyer wagon that was hanging in our garage fell on my car, putting a dent and some scratches in the driver's door. I seem to have the worst luck keeping my little red beauty in mint condition!
+ In general, my two months in Michigan so far has been a long boring stretch of blah, punctuated by the occasional exclamation point of an art show or a photo gig. It's been nice spending time with my parents though. I've also been hanging out with some friends, although very rarely. I've sort of lost touch with a lot of people here, and the weather's been shit. More later...
current mood:  blah
current music: Midnight Juggernauts - "Shadows"
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(here comes Mr. T!!)
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| Friday, January 9th, 2009
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12:33 pm - METAL
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| Thursday, January 8th, 2009
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11:20 pm - >>> vent <<<
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Man, I really wish I could stop kicking my own ass about moving back to Michigan. I've been pretty depressed since I got here. Depressed, totally broke, leeching off my parents like a goddamn bum, and the weather is killing my mood.
I was really proud of myself for getting out of Michigan four years ago, and moving to San Francisco, and making a decent life for myself there. I really fucked up after getting laid-off. I thought I could be patient enough to get another good job (ie: paying well and doing something that utilized my true talents), as I had for a while there, but I should have been looking for a job. I got so low on money that when the time came that I found out that the place I was going to crash at in LA fell through (I found this out as I was moving out of SF), I didn't have enough money left to pay to stay anywhere, and no home left in SF. I tried to ask my roommates to let me stay, but earlier that day they'd given the okay to the new girl, and it would've been unfair to her to do that. Arghhh. I should have at least found a sublet or something. I mean, I feel like shit that I'm relying on my parents again, but if I had to do that, it would have been a lot more productive to do rely on them for sublet money in California while I found a job. God knows there's no jobs in Michigan right now. I'm just bleeding them dry. Just like I always used to. Back to square one again. I got a late start, compared to my peers, in terms of taking care of myself and making my own money. I got a lot of shit for it too, from certain people. I understand that I didn't have the same circumstances as most people. My family was a lot better off then, financially. Now that I'm back to leeching again, this time because I'm broke and desperate, I feel awful, embarrassed, and like a big failure.
I just really need to get back to California. I know it sounds whiny, but the winter really makes me depressed. I need to be able to go outside on walks. I hate having icy roads keeping me inside. I spun out on the freeway the other day and did a 360, and thought I was going to die. I never have shit like that happen in Cali. Plus, the shitty roads here are hell on my tight suspension.
Plus, I'm lonely here. Most of my friends are in California. I drove across the states with Dawon in October with the intent that we were moving to LA together. Now I'm stuck here and she's in the sunshine and I can't hang out with her. My friends here are usually too busy. I've spent most of my time inside, staying up until 8am every night, playing hours and hours of Fallout 3 (not a very cheery game either). I've gotten some art done, but for how much I wanted free time when I was working, if I have nothing but free time, I tend to have a hard time focusing. I've been in the mood to meet a new girl lately. I miss the feeling of being in a relationship. ...but there's no point in wishing for that here. No one of my type around the Midwest, really, and anything like that would just lock me down too much. I really wouldn't mind just getting laid, in all honesty, just to make my life a little less boring... Wish I had a booty call, haha. (It's only been 5 months, but that's the longest I've gone without it since becoming sexually active.) Gahh, TMI maybe, and a tad tacky. Anyway, I'm rambling.
On one hand, there are nice aspects of being home again. I get along fine with my parents, and there's some nice kitties here (which I'm allergic to), and I have a big room with no worry of annoying neighbors, but at the same time, my brain is rotting..... I went from living in the state that, during this crappy economy, arguably is in the best condition in the US, to the state with the worst economy and highest unemployment rate.
I really just wish I had a friend in LA that I could stay with for a couple weeks while I find a job, and then find an apartment. The two really good friends I have there (Dawon and Anthony), are staying with family, and I can't stay there, and my other friends in LA are people I don't feel like I know well enough to ask that kind of favor of. I also just wish I could get another job soon. Honestly, I most wish I could just move back to San Francisco, as I miss it greatly, but I should probably try LA first.
I just need to get out of here!!
Sorry for the crappy tone of this post. Sometimes it helps for me to get vile thoughts out of my head, and onto the keyboard.
current mood:  gloomy
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(6 pitied fools | here comes Mr. T!!)
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| Tuesday, January 6th, 2009
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5:45 am - 2008 --> 2009
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| Wednesday, December 31st, 2008
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9:33 pm - Ultra-Magnus
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Haven't really been in the mood to post much lately, but it would be a shame not to mention our new kitty!
at the vet, the day we took him home
yawning
I named him "Magnus." He's a stray Norwegian Forest cat who was living in a dog house at a used car dealership. The family that ran the place couldn't take him in, due to allergies, so we took him home. He's a real charmer.
More of an update coming soon... but I hope everyone has a great new year!
current music: Boyz Noize - "& Down (Suriusmo vs Boyz Noize mix)"
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(6 pitied fools | here comes Mr. T!!)
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| Wednesday, December 10th, 2008
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2:43 pm - ©POPpor2nity
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So I'm back in Michigan,and I've been busy. Doing photography for a documentary about a car designer / fine artist, and also getting ready for a show...
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 13th @ 7pm
C-Pop Gallery
4160 Woodward Ave, Detroit MI
I have three pieces in C-Pop Gallery's show, "©POPpor2nity". This is an honor for me, as I used to frequent C-Pop as a high schooler / college student, and it inspired me quite a bit, growing up. It was thanks to C-Pop, that I got into Yumiko Kayukawa, Shepard Fairey, Niagara, AWOL, Mark Ryden,and many others.
Anyway, more later. busy busy busy...
current mood: sore neck and shoulder!
current music: 1UP Retronauts podcast
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(3 pitied fools | here comes Mr. T!!)
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| Friday, November 21st, 2008
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2:58 am - transient damage report
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still on the road. I just spent a few days, relaxing at my uncle's place in Denver. Would you believe that in the 24 hours following the rear-end collision, that I got a flat tire, then hit a coyote?? The coyote really messed up the front of my car. I had to tape parts of the bumper back together and cut off parts that were dragging on the ground. Now I have a 2007 Mazda 3 beater.
The insurance is going to cover all of the rear-end damage when I get back to Michigan, but I gotta pay a $500 deductible on the coyote damage. Yaaaaaayyyy.. :-(
Anyway, I'm currently at a Motel 6 in Lincoln Nebraska. Tomorrow I hit Chicago, and hang out with my old buddy Leigh (madflowr ). Yaaay!! :-)
current mood: tired
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(3 pitied fools | here comes Mr. T!!)
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| Saturday, November 15th, 2008
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1:33 am - road trip!
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So, I've been doing most of my (rare) blogging on my art site, but not everyone on my LJ friends list reads that (you can add it to your RSS feed here!), so I might start cross-posting those posts here... Starting with today's:
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So thing have definitely changed since my last post. The place I was going to stay at in LA fell through, and I also ran into money problems. All this happened in the last week. Yayyyy... Thus, I have to put off the LA move for a couple months. My lease is up in SF though, so I'm moving back to Michigan probably until February '09... to save up some cash and help my parents get their house ready to sell.
I'm pretty bummed about it, so I gave myself a consolation prize. Instead of heading straight back to MI, I'm going on a leisurely road trip, visiting friends and family, and doing a bunch of photo shoots on the way. So far, I've hit up Ventura CA, Los Angeles CA, Las Vegas NV and Salt Lake City UT. Tomorrow - after a shoot in the salt flats - I'm heading to Denver CO to visit my uncle, then on to Omaha NE, then Chicago IL, then finally Michigan. I've already done 5 photo shoots since I left, and have a few more scheduled, so I'll have a bunch of new stuff to showcase over the next few weeks...
The trip has been fun... two bad things happened though.... First, I got a call from the data recovery lab. They can't salvage anything on my hard drive. Thus, I'm basically going to have to start over. I can recover some of my work through friends, and through hi-res scanning of prints, but some is lost forever, except for the small-size images you can see on this site. Thus, I'm going to have to put off the "buy prints" section of my site a little longer, until I get new stuff to sell. I had a couple weeks now to prepare myself for this outcome, but I thought they'd be able to recover at least some of the data, since the hard drive was at least responding somewhat. Shows me to trust a hard drive (even though it was only a year old).
The other bad thing that happened was tonight in Salt Lake City, some guy came up too fast behind me at a stop light and rear-ended me...
This picture doesn't quite do it justice. I'm going to have to get a new rear bumper and hatch door. Sucks man... I just got the car last year, and it's my baby. This picture pretty much sums up the trip so far.
Anyway, off to sleep. I have a very bizarre, interesting shoot in the flats tomorrow, which will later be turning into an illustrated-photo piece. It's an idea I've been wanting to shoot for two years now... More updates later!
current mood:  hungry
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(1 pitied fool | here comes Mr. T!!)
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| Wednesday, November 5th, 2008
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7:23 am
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One result of the election that I'm not happy about is that my state, California (among other states), voted to ban gay marriage.
Funny (not funny actually) how America's seeing a major triumph in the world of racial equality issues, but discrimination against gays is not only still allowed, but enforced by law. Can you imagine what would happen these days if a state tried to ban - say - interracial marriage? Jeeesuzzzz.... I tend to forget - living in San Francisco - that there's a huge chunk of California (between Silicon Valley and LA) that has its share of God-fearing bigots traditionalists.
Argh. 7:30am and I'm still up, packing. Then I have to clean the carpet & walls, spackle, & fix the incredible cheap door to my room. Then gotta get the U-Haul, load it up (by myself), drive it to my storage spot in Burlingame, then go find a place to crash tonight. Stress & sleeplessness don't mix.
Again though, OBAMAAAAA!!! YAY!
current mood: exhausted
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(2 pitied fools | here comes Mr. T!!)
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| Tuesday, November 4th, 2008
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8:49 pm - OOOOOOOBAMA!!
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Very very pleased right now. I'm happy to finally have been able to vote for someone I really could get behind (as opposed to the lesser of two evils) and to see him win. I'm much happier right now with my country than I was four, and eight years ago.
In other news, no time for me to celebrate. Up all night packing and cleaning.
Plans have changed. Life's been stressful lately. I'm almost out of money. My hard drive died last week, and right now it's at a data-recovery lab (all of my art & photos from the last 3-4 years are on it. Should have backed-up to DVD more often.) If they're able to recover the data, the price is going to wipe me out. Also my temporary-place-to-crash in LA fell through. Thus, I'm moving back to Michigan for 2-3 months & save up, then coming back to California to go to LA. I should have a place to crash by then, once Dawon gets an apartment. (Oh yeah, totally forgot to mention our cross-country adventure, and plans to move to LA together). I wish I could stay in SF for now, but things didn't really start falling apart until after my roommates found a new person to take my room. I have to be out by mid-day tomorrow. Crazy amounts of packing still left to do.
Again though, I'm very happy about the Obama win. That's turned my frown upside-down a bit.
current mood:  busy
current music: watching CNN live streams while working
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(2 pitied fools | here comes Mr. T!!)
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| Friday, October 31st, 2008
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7:21 am - GO (to) APE!!
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Hey everybody. Things have been very hectic with packing up for the LA move, but there's a big event you should attend this weekend if you're in the Bay Area... Alternative Press Expo (APE, for short)
SATURDAY November 1st 11am - 7pm
SUNDAY November 2nd 11am - 6pm
The Concourse - 620 7th Street, San Francisco (Directions here)
More info here.
This will be my third year tabling at the show, with my usual gang of comic-making buddies... Ryan Sands, Hellen Jo, Anthony Wu, Derek Yu, and Calvin Wong.
We will be at table #415, listed in the program as "The Bang Gang". That's in the back-left corner of the main exhibition floor. (here's a map)
Ryan and I will be showcasing our two recent big projects:
Electric Ant issue 1: Our baby. A collection of comics, short stories, nonfiction, art, lists, etc. Some of the many awesome contributors include Hellen Jo, Aaron K, MC Lars, Gea, Derek Kirk Kim, Anthony Wu, Michaela Collette, Derek Yu, Eric Nakamura, Julia Wertz, and many more. Ryan created, edited and published it. I did much of the layout and illustrations. Also edited by Alice Kim. The official launch date is November 1st.
Tokyo Zombie: Yusaku Hanakuma's slapstick zombie judo bonanza that we adapted into English. Ryan was editor and translator. I did lettering, touch-up art, and book design.
Also, I will be selling prints of my illustrated-photography.
Hope to see you there! Come on by and say hi :-)
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(3 pitied fools | here comes Mr. T!!)
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| Tuesday, October 28th, 2008
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2:10 am - quintessence
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Gentlemen and ladies. A word of advice. If you ever have a girlfriend (or boyfriend) who makes you a homemade Kamen Rider figure for Valentines Day.... KEEP HER.
No, I am am single at the moment. Just reminiscing a bit while packing up for my move.
I have so much to update on. Some very bad. Some good. Most of it stressful. LA here I come, November 3rd/4th. More later....
current mood: regret
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(here comes Mr. T!!)
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| Tuesday, September 30th, 2008
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4:42 am - argh.
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Life has been stressful lately, and pretty shitty. I apologize to anyone who I haven't been in contact with lately. I'm trying to get everything figured out.
Looks like I'm moving to LA in 2-3 weeks. Probably a month from now - weather I'm there, in SF, or back in Michigan as a washed-up failure - I'll be settled down, and back in the realms of the less-stressed. Hopefully.
Here's a handy pictorial guide to the big conflict in life life right now:
I hate making these decisions so quickly, but if I'm gonna move, I gotta do it soon, or else I won't have enough money to even try it.
current mood:  stressed
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(3 pitied fools | here comes Mr. T!!)
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| Monday, September 15th, 2008
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2:12 am
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This last week has been pretty enlightening. So I got laid-off Thursday, September 4th. I did about 32 hours of contract work for them last week, but other than that, had a very flexible and free schedule. I got some more photography done, made a new piece, and am starting on another... Went to a couple of parties. Did karaoke a couple of times. Went on a date. Went to three club nights. I love being free. It's what I've been yearning for. This free time has really taught me that I just don't want to go back to another office job. I wasn't happy, and I'm not meant for that sort of existence.
It's just been interesting lately. One part of me is terrified of what's next. At the same time, I've been feeling more alive and positive this last week than I have in 3 years.
However, my money runs out at the end of this month, so if I'm not hired by then, I panic. I've had an interview, been talking with recruiters, sending out resumes... Unfortunately, as long as I live in SF and am paying off a new car, I'll probably have to work another office-based graphic design job. Not many photo gigs around here. This last week, between freelance graphic design work and freelance photo work (did some promo shots for a rapper yesterday), I was thinking that if I really hustled, I could maybe wrangle up enough freelance work to live on, but it's really risky.
The good news is, I've been interviewing for this one job, and it seems to be looking promising. True, part of it is graphic design / production work, at a desk, but part of it is also photography. Hopefully it will happen. If not, then I really have to step up the job hunt... garggg....
Here's the new art I made:
current mood:  contemplative
current music: NPR - This American Life
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(2 pitied fools | here comes Mr. T!!)
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| Tuesday, September 2nd, 2008
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9:11 pm - May you live in interesting times
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Sheeeeeit man, it's hard to keep up on LJ lately. No time. Since I Last posted....
I posted this on my art blog last month, but I made a crazy new illustrated-photo, "Automaton JDM":
JDM stands for "Japanese Domestic Market". This is the sequel to "Automaton Classic ", which I made in spring 2006. With this one, I really wanted to make a significant jump over the last in regards to detail, setting, atmospheric lighting, and impact. This piece is made of 26 different Japanese cars & motorcycles (production and concept) that I shot in Japan and in the US. Bonus: the main red car in the chest plate is actually my Mazda3. A few other vehicles includes are the Nissan GT-R, Honda Evo 6 concept, Nissan March, Mitsubishi i, Mazda Demio, Mazda Furai concept, Mazda Taiki concept, etc... The background is at the Ebisubashi Bridge in the Dōtonbori area of Osaka, Japan.
In other news...
+ Just found out last week that my company is shutting down. The whole team could be laid-off as soon as tomorrow. Right now I'm scrambling to find a new job, to get me by for now. For my next real step though, either....
A. Stay in San Francisco
PRO: I'm already here. I have great friends here. More potential connections/familiarity for another job.
CON: I'd probably end up in another graphic-design position, which I'll take, but I'd rather get back into photography... and photo jobs seem scarce here. Probably have to sell my car if I took any jobs lower on the totem pole than graphic design. I sort of would like a change of scenery.
B: move to LA
PRO: I like LA a lot, nice change-of-pace. Probably more photography jobs.
CON: Costs money to move.
C: finally do a year or two in Japan.
PRO: I've always wanted to. I love it there. Neat change of pace & a chance to "reboot".
CON: I don't really want to teach English (and I can't seem to find any MFA programs there that appeal to me). My photography career would probably not go anywhere. Might be a lonely experience.
D. Temporarily move back to MI.
PRO: Much cheaper cost of living. Rent/utility/parking free. More comfortable. More free time, potentially.
CON: Michigan's economy is fucked. My career would probably be derailed. I'd get bored.
Other options would be looking for jobs in Chicago, UK, NYC, Toronto, etc... But I dunno. I think I'm a California and/or Japan guy. Anyone hiring??
+ Had a great trip back to Michigan / Ohio for 10 days last week. Stayed with Dawon in Columbus for 4 days (nice to be back in touch with her. We did a couple photo shoots. It's really great whenever I get to shoot with Dawon. She's one of my best friends, and basically the inspiration for me getting into fashion photography. Anyway, one of the shoots was more straight-forward fashion (click the image below to see all of them)
...and one was really CRAZY. More on that one later. Let's just say.... the robots are coming back.
While in the area, I also spent a lot of quality time with my parents, my cat, and with Melissa and Marie. I wanted to see Toledo Ryan, but he didn't have time. My folks and I went up to our house up north and that was super relaxing. It was a great trip.
+ In other news... I dunno, not much else is new, really.
current mood:  nervous
current music: OMD - "Souvenir"
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(4 pitied fools | here comes Mr. T!!)
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| Thursday, August 7th, 2008
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7:17 pm
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Not too much is new... Comic Con was awesome. Ryan and I worked at the Last Gasp booth the first day, promoting Tokyo Zombie, then hung out with friends and geeked out over varous things the rest of the weekend. Pics will be posted soon, when (if) I (ever) have time.
In other news, I broke up with Queena a couple days ago. So tired of my string of bad luck in romance this last couple years. I had a lot of good times with her, but we're just incompatible. argh...
Debating what to do next in my life.... Stay in SF? Move to LA (where there are a lot more photography jobs)? Do a year or two in Japan? I'm not getting any younger....
current mood:  cynical
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(5 pitied fools | here comes Mr. T!!)
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| Wednesday, July 30th, 2008
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1:01 pm
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Happy 50th birthday, Kate Bush!
current music: Kate Bush - "Cloudbusting"
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(here comes Mr. T!!)
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| Tuesday, July 15th, 2008
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10:40 am - new site / new blog / busybusy
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hooooo boy. I haven't been posting much in LJ lately. I've been so busy & stressed that it's hard to get enough downtime to look at the internet for leisure, since I'm looking at it for work so much. I'm terribly behind on reading LJ posts, so I hope you are all doing well...
Some big news. I've put up a new art site, and a new blog (for art stuff only), at evanhaydenart.com
I felt like the old domain (irresponsiblepictures.net) was too long, had nothing to do with my name, and just wasn't ideal in general. I racked my brain for a couple months, trying to learn some CSS and PHP stuff, so I could bring my web design abilities from 1998 to 2008... I'm still not perfect, and there are some CSS problems with how IE renders my site, but I'm trying to fix that. I also wanted to have the blog be easier to track, so if you have an RSS reader you can subscribe to it here or add ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/syndicated.gif) evanhaydenart to your LJ friends list. I'll still be posting on LJ, but not as much.
Outside of work, there's not much else new lately (unfortunately). Just workingworkingworking (and playing a lot of Metal Gear Solid 4.) Also, Ryan & I are going to San Diego Comic Con next week to pimp out Tokyo Zombie and have fun with our comic buddies.
More later...
current mood: tired
current music: Lefturno - "It's Out of Sight"
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(1 pitied fool | here comes Mr. T!!)
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| Monday, June 30th, 2008
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10:52 pm
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Wow. Two months since my last update...
I'm alive. I just don't feel like I am.
more later.
current mood: productive
current music: Katamari Damacy music
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(here comes Mr. T!!)
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| Monday, May 5th, 2008
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8:34 pm
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| Tuesday, April 29th, 2008
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2:53 am
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Got my copy of Grand Theft Auto IV at midnight!!
YAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!
more later, if I can ever peel myself away from the TV.
current mood:  excited
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(2 pitied fools | here comes Mr. T!!)
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| Friday, April 25th, 2008
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12:35 am - The Equestrian
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| Thursday, April 24th, 2008
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11:39 pm
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Life is mixed...
good things:
+ Tokyo Zombie is about to go off to the printers... and it's looking like it will lead to other projects. Bonus: when Ryan and I met with the publisher tonight to talk some stuff over, he gave each of us a huge, beautiful Maruo poster. yay!
+ Queena has restored my faith in relationships and is a huge inspiration for my creativity. It's funny... the more time I spend with her the more I feel really stupid for everything I put up with in my last relationship. I can't believe I let my self-esteem get so consistently trampled for so long. I can't believe I put up with up to 40 angry txt messages per day at times. I can't believe I was always told how I wasn't good enough and that she wasn't attracted to me anymore, and that I didn't just say fuck off and walk away earlier. I guess it just took finding a really, really special person to make me open my eyes to the situation. Some people I know though I switched over from one girl to another really quickly, and I guess I did, but it made sense to me. It's like a blindfold was lifted off of me and I could suddenly see the truth of where I had been, and the beautiful possibilities of where I could go. You'd better believe that I was painted as the bad guy, but I was fed up. This isn't a bashing-the-ex post, really. I've been over her. (these thoughts were only brought on by the fact that she texted me out of the blue to ask for something, when I'd prefer to never speak to her again). I only regret that I was so low for so long, suffering at the sharp end of someone else's emotional problems, insecurity, and inflexibility - when I could have been seeking out something like I have now. I'm in love. Really & truly. I've never had such a feeling happen so quickly (we knew it within a week). People have tried to be naysayers, saying that that kind of feeling doesn't happen so fast. But I feel that it's something special enough that timing doesn't matter.
+ I've been hard at work, learning some CSS, PHP, Flash, and Wordpress integration so that I can set up my new art site. I have bought the domain name, and have been working to make things super-professional and dynamic in its function. (as well as pretty!) I'll post more about that soon.
+ Been feeling creatively supercharged lately. I've been work on art again, and I'm getting ready to make a few submissions soon, and try to get in some more shows.
+ T-minus 3 days until I get Grand Theft Auto IV. Ahh geez... I can't wait.
+ Having a belated-birthday party Saturday night. It should be fun! Bowling, drinking, and karaoke!
bad things:
+ Well there's only one thing really getting me down, but it's major. I'm broke. I've come to an unfortunate realization that, despite how much I truly love my car, that I can't afford to keep it at my current wages... Each month I spend over $1000 on car-related expenses (car payment, parking, insurance, and $4/gal gas). That's over 1/3 of my monthly earnings. Add another $1000 or so to cover bills & rent, and then try to make the rest last a month to cover food in an over-priced city, credit card debt, extortionist traffic tickets, and maybe once in a while, fun. The numbers are not working for me. I was down to $10 in my account for a couple days before the last paycheck, and now I'm down to $100 to last me a week until the next one. I've already set aside some cash to pick up my reserved copy of GTAIV, but other than that, things will be very meager for a while.
So the quandry I currently have is that even if I get the most I could reasonably get on a private-party sale of my car (~$20k), I still have a $3k gulf of depreciation to pay back to Mazda. I don't have the $3k, so I can't even afford to sell my car & get a beater (or a motorcycle) to save several hundred $$$ a month. Ecchh. I've been petitioning to get a raise, since I'm about $10k-20k under what the average San Francisco graphic designer makes, but the process seems to be going painfully slow. I'm not ready to find a new job just yet, but we'll see what happens...
+ Funny, usually it's lack of progress or weight stuff that's getting me down, but I seem to be making gradual headway on the projects I'm working on, and I have a girlfriend who isn't superficial, and loves me for who I am, not how I look.
current mood: worried
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(3 pitied fools | here comes Mr. T!!)
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| Monday, April 21st, 2008
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4:49 pm - revealed: Tokyo Zombie!
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| Wednesday, April 9th, 2008
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1:30 am - Brera & GTR
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Sorry for the big images on your friends list, but what the heck...
Alfa Romeo Brera
Nissan GTR
These are the two latest additions to the automotive photography section of my art site. I'm really, really itching to get back to doing more photography. Gaaah! I have so much fun doing automotive photography. Why can't it be my career?
Speaking of automotive photography, I'm planting the seeds for a big fashion + moped shoot. Can't wait to get those gears really turning...
My birthday went mixed. The first half of the day sucked. Work left me depressed, and I was also feeling really homesick. (I've been having a bit of a life-direction crisis lately, but more about that later). The evening was awesome though. Queena & I were joined by my friends Tom, Melania, and Ina, and we got sushi. After that, we stopped by the club next door to my apartment, and took part in the filming of an indie... musical! We played extras in the crowd. It was silly, but really fun. After that, the four of us, joined by Ina's friend and we had German chocolate cake at my place, and various forms of alchohol.
Too bad Ryan and Alice are in Japan now though. I'll probably have a belated big party when they get back.
current mood: contemplative
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(2 pitied fools | here comes Mr. T!!)
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| Monday, April 7th, 2008
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2:37 pm - 040780-040708
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Turning 28 today. It's a weird age for me. I can no longer pretend that I'm in my mid-20s, because now I am squarely in my late-20s. I hope to make more big changes this year of life. I made big changes last year, but I am never really satisfied...
I hope my mindset on aging improves over time, or I at least achieve a lot more, or else I'm destined for a major midlife crisis.
ps: look at this post, and my last post. I realllllly love the way green and red go together sometimes...
current mood: contemplative
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(6 pitied fools | here comes Mr. T!!)
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| Saturday, April 5th, 2008
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4:09 am
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| Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008
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11:02 am - mixed bag
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aaagh, too busy to type lately...
Work: I'm really frustrated lately.
Art: I'm feeling creatively supercharged (but not enough time or money to make all my plans happen)
Relationship: I'm the happiest I've been in years. It's secure, fun, drama-free, and stimulates me to be a more lively person. She makes me feel very good about myself.
Health: not great. Sick for a week now...
Money: broke! in trouble!
The book (the secret project): done!
The zine: almost done!
More info soon.... filtered...
current mood: tired
current music: Tears for Fears
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(here comes Mr. T!!)
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creative
sleepy